I quit my job and packed a suitcase. Passed my children to their mother and said goodbye. With all my love for them burning so deep inside, I turned and walked away.
By David Provost
I routinely think back on my life as most of us do. If I am honest with myself, I have to come to a conclusion that God’s will has been a powerful force in shaping my life. I now know I had to be a recipient of God’s grace from the very beginning. There can be no other reason than God’s will.
I was born in uncertainty, sickly and jaundiced, with a terrible birth defect of the bowels. There was no hope remaining after many operations. I was given to my mother and told I would most likely not survive a few days. But I believe God’s will for me had not yet come to pass. I survived.
The passing years were of abuse and torment by siblings, peers and parents were for what? What had God lay in store for me, that I could not yet understand. Times of pure loneliness seemed unending. I searched for understanding at a very early age through the word of God. Praying for his presence in my life yet remaining unfulfilled. Every break in the clouds of understanding was soon closed by false preaching and confusion. Sin ruled my life, controlling each moment with lusts of all kinds and pure hatred of others. It appeared that there was no real way out of my sinful nature, or possibility for any hope of salvation. Years passed with only my thoughts to keep me company.
I believe God listened to my prayers and had every intention of granting them when it was his will to do so. I was blessed by God when my two children were born. Each was perfect and so beautiful. I cried silently to myself. I loved them more than myself and gave them everything I could. My life finally had meaning. But the door to my salvation was still closed. I returned to God’s word many times over my life only to be disappointed in the teachings. Finally to give up. All of my reading, and searching for truth was a daunting task. None of it had any true meaning.
For reasons, I found it necessary to divorce my wife of 18 years and care for my children alone. Over the next couple of years the burdens on my shoulders grew to an immeasurable size. I was on the verge of a total mental breakdown. My belief in God was gone even though God had not forsaken me. Until….
I met my wife Naomih on the internet. I was not looking for anyone so young and at first I explained it to her. I felt it was God’s will that she and I meet. She was a member of this Church of God. I truly believe it was God’s will that I let go of my previous life, even my children who had grown to be strong and independent. So, I did just that.
I quit my job and packed a suitcase. Passed my children to their mother and said goodbye. With all my love for them burning so deep inside, I turned and walked away. What was about to happen was unknown and I was not going to turn back. If I did, I may not have gone at all. My future was now up to God.
Naomih helped me understand her faith in God; she showed me internet clips of Bro. Eli Soriano. She said if I have any questions whatsoever to just ask him. He will explain anything by using the Bible.
But I had so many questions. Where should I start? Over the next two years, I grew more and more in understanding. Watching Bro. Eli on UNTV, watching all the clips on the internet. I finally began to piece together the truth. All I had attempted over my life but failed, Bro. Eli had accomplished.
I needed to know more. I wanted to know everything. I opened my eyes, my ears, and my heart. I was now an empty vessel for God to fill. Bro Eli was the preacher of truth and knowledge, held by the hand of God.
I have a poem which I wrote a few years back.
The Glass I Walked On
By David Provost
Lost in a world where no one sees
Black and blue from my shoulders to my knees.
As lightning strikes from the sky
I’m jerked from my chair and forced to cry.
Again and again the pain pierces my skin,
For what have I done, for this to begin?
As the buckle of the belt whistles through the air
I collapse on the floor wincing in fear.
Mirrored images of swollen welts on my skin
So too is the resentment burning within.
I see my mother out of my eyes, but she does not see me.
I can scream out loud, but she does hear me.
I reach for her, but she ignores me.
Am I alive? Do I exist?
What have I done, to be treated like this?
In my solitude, lost without love,
I pray to my God for comfort from above.
I see everyone else happy and free,
Running about, laughing with glee.
Doesn’t anyone care? Does anyone see?
This is not the place for a child to be.
I loved you mother, more than you’ll ever know.
Desperately seeking your love to sow.
Trying to please, working like a slave,
Doing what I’m told, trying to behave.
Nothing is working, everything is wrong.
This was just a sample of the glass I walked on.
[David Provost, an American, belongs to the locale of LBMR, District 2, Parian, Calamba Laguna]